This was actually a comment/reply to my post “Top 10 Double Standards Men Face”. The user, stiletto, shed some light on what common double standards women face. Some of these I was very aware of, and others not so much. Good Read. Enjoy.
#7 – On a less serious side, double standards exist even in daily things such a communication. The reverse of number 5 would be when a man asks a question, he is concerned about his woman. If a woman does, she’s considering to be nagging. Women are often come at by men to ask too many questions, to want too many details. However, I don’t know too many men who want half assed stories either. Similarly if a woman is upset, she’s considered to be overly emotional and too sensitive. When a man feels down one day, his woman is expected to be understanding and attentive. If she’s not, he can just turn to the next woman… readily available.
#6 — In today’s career world it is very easy to enter your late 20s or early 30s and not be married. The outcome of this for men is that they are viewed as focused, driven individuals. On the flip side, a woman in the same age group, also unmarried and without children, is looked upon by society as crazy. Someone must not want her, something has to be wrong with her, etc. etc. Sorry guys, she’s probably single by choice.
#5 — Next, is along the lines of Number 7. If a girl has 10 close male friends, her boyfriend automatically assumes she’s hooked up with or is likely to hook up with them strictly off their friendship. However, for a male to have several girl friends himself is simply okay because he “knows” nothing will happen between them. Women, chances are your boyfriend thinks that about your friends because he himself has thought/acted similarly with his own friends of the opposite sex at one point or another.
#4 – This leads me to another standard. How many guys don’t mind having their fun with a wide variety of women but when it comes down to a relationship/marriage, they want virgins or damn near virgins? What about the girls who would have preferred their man/husband to not have slept with half the city before her? Then comes a long list of “she didn’t count” or “it was a one night stand” and “I don’t even remember her anymore.” A list that isn’t viewed so favorably coming from a woman’s mouth in her defense. Women don’t seem to have much of a choice accepting a man’s past in comparison to what is acceptable of their own. And men, trying to get into as many pants as possible before settling down isn’t really opening up your chances of finding a girl no one else has had; you’re just adding to the statistics.
#3 – The most controversial double standard is numbers. A man sleeping around with several women will get a pat on his back from his boys whereas a woman enjoying her single life is gossiped about endlessly by members of her gender. Even more amazing is the guy who sleeps with such a woman and labels her a hoe the next day while he acted in the same manner as she did.
#2 – An older man dating someone 10-20 years younger than him is becoming more and more acceptable in today’s society. A man is looked at to be the provider and is acting as such for a young woman. On the other hand, if a cougar dates a young man, she is thought to not be able to find someone her own age and is ostracized by society.
#1 — If a man is dressed impeccably, he’s seen to have a good job/money/etc and most importantly, a sense of style. A very favorable view by many women. A woman, on the other hand, who spends time perfecting her hair, makeup, nails, outfit, etc, is seen as high maintenance or trying too hard to impress men.
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well said Stiletto. definitely good for guys to take a look at this.
In my opinion, #5 isn’t really true, I would actually say it’s easier for a woman to have many close friends of the opposite gender, even when in a relationship. Also, I wouldn’t really say cougars are ‘ostracized by society’ like pariahs and the word certainly doesn’t have the same connotation as ‘dirty old man.’
Personally I think there are more glaring examples of double standards that don’t rely on such anecdotal evidence.
Great article!
thanks!
I’d consider six & seven to be outdated. Especially 6. If a woman is on her own she is often considered to be empowered because she does not want to be with or rely on the company of a man, whereas a man single in his 20s or 30s nobody thinks “yeah, there’s a guy excercising his freedom to be who he wants” he is just seen as an unmarried man. Women are suspicious of single men at that age and praise single women. As for seven, well if a man ignores a woman being down she is often considered well within her rights to get angry with him. If a man is upset because of his partner ignoring his feelings he is considered “TOO sensitive”. Sensitivity appears to be perfectly acceptable for women but for men it is something bad and to be avoided for fear of looking weak.
Five isn’t a double standard. Women and men both get jealous. I know I do, and I know my girlfriend does – she now gets along well with most of my female friends and I know most of her male friends better.
Four is probably the most true in this list but is something that people care about less and less – I’ve seen relationships end because of both the man and the woman not being able to hurt their friends by sleeping with their exes even after being broken up for a year. If anything women care more – quite a few of my male friends have told me how their girlfriends were far more anxious of who they had slept with than they were and complained that they if they had been similarly anxious then they would be viewed as weak and petty but women are just concerned for themselves – which is not ok for men apparently.
Three ties in with this, but is also wrong – I’m not sure how it has worked in your experience but I’ve found that women who sleep with a lot of women are described by women as “exercising their sexual freedom” whereas men are “only after one thing” and men describe women as “single and available” and men as “willing to get with anything that has a pulse”. You’ve put a very one sided spin on this.
Two… yeah I take back my earlier comment, this is the most true. It’s definitely viewed this way by society. Then again – isn’t it a double standard that men are expected to be the ones providing? Whatever happened to egalitarianism?
Number one did make me laugh because both genders dress to show power and style. Why do women dress in makeup, short skirts, bare midriffs, and low-cut blouses but complain about men that stare at them? Sometimes it IS high maintenance – and it’s a lot more common in women than in men. If you feel the need to call this a double standard then I’d like you to consider what high maintenance is. If you think women do it because of a patriarchal idea in which they are the looking glass that Virginia Woolf talks about then I’m pretty sure a lot of them also do it for themselves. This point is incredibly one sided. For men dressing impeccably means throwing on a suit and some nice shoes, and making sure they’ve shaved and cut their nails. For women I’d say a lot of them feel the need – probably from society – to throw on a dress and some nice shoes, and do their make-up and fix their hair, find some jewellery, a matching bag that isn’t too big or small for their needs
one of those IS high maintenance – and it doesn’t represent all women, or even most. And quite often I’d say that the woman does it for the woman, not for men.
ok, that last point can pretty much all be ignored if you want, my typing has gotten rather incoherent and it made me quite angry. Think of how long it takes a woman to ‘get ready’ and how long it takes a guy. High maintenance isn’t a bad thing. It just exists. And nothing personal, ladies – but men do have to put up with it. As long as you feel happy with yourselves, you could take all of the time in the world – just don’t make us late.
wow. lengthy comment. good points you have there. i’m going to ask the person who wrote this post to reply.
You seem to say many of my points are biased/one sided. This is true mainly because my post was a direct response to Dr. Dapo’s double standards for men; thus it was meant to show what women go through in a rebuttal form.
Regarding #6, I wouldn’t call it outdated as much as perhaps becoming more the norm now. Women are definitely becoming more independent and often flaunt it as an empowering thing (myself included) but make no mistake even these women still want a man to be a man and hold them down. While a woman nowadays may not need a man to pay her bills, etc. that doesn’t take away from the need to still feel secure and safe with a man. The point I was making however was mainly regarding marriage. In our society, holding all things constant in terms of careers, women around the age of 30 definitely start to feel the pressure to get married and settle down, whereas men still can exercise their desire to achieve more. I hear this from women of all different races AND men who often say when they reach a certain age, they would rather marry a woman several years younger than them, instead of one over 30. You also cant deny the biological clock a woman has to have her first child, preferably before her mid 30s.
#7 wasn’t really about being emotional/sensitive as much as it was about how men and women handle their significant others’ questions. Women tend to ask a lot of questions and men perceive this as nagging. But im sure even in your own relationship there have been occasions where you may ask your girlfriend something and if unsatisfied with her response, or the amount of details she gave, she doesn’t dismiss you as a nagging boyfriend, nor do you consider yourself one as opposed to just caring about her. Also, regardless of how sensitive a man is allowed to be, there are still always instances he can feel down, not getting a promotion at work, a family member passing away, so forth and so on. In these instances, as a man, if your girlfriend wasn’t there for you, I’m sure you would feel it. On the flip side, if a woman is sad about a situation, a man’s typical response isn’t so much comfort as it is to try to fix it. That’s just how men and women are wired, and there are plenty of studies to prove this.
With #5, I actually never stated jealousy at all. Simply because I know jealousy is consistent across the board, whether you are a man or a woman. I’m not sure where you got that from. The issue platonic friendships of the opposite sex. First of all I don’t really think platonic friendships exist because usually one person wanted/wants more but is forced to play their role. But aside from that, I find it men have the upper-hand in this instance because they feel they are in control of their relationships with their female friends. If one liked him, he wouldn’t act on it. And the double standard is for his girlfriend and her male friends, he is worried about the male friend making a move and her losing control of the situation. This makes sense because women are known by definition to be emotional creatures. When it comes to sex, they are more inclined to sleep with someone they are comfortable with over a complete stranger. So while the boyfriend can exhibit some concern knowing this, I still think it is a double standard to dismiss his own actions with his female friends. It’s a one for one situation in my eyes. If he doesn’t want his girlfriend’s male bff crashing at her house after the club, the same should apply for him. Trust and equality in this instance, not gender roles, would be ideal.
For #3 and 4, I don’t know you or your friends but from my experience and the guys I have dealt with, men are highly unlikely to wife down a girl with a promiscuous past and cite her “exercising her sexual freedom” to their boys. In fact they do quite the opposite. Men are VERY cautious about their image, and from what I see, they don’t really want to marry a girl that’s been around the block, at least not one their circle is familiar with. No guy wants to be the one the group pokes fun at for wifing up a hoe. This really never is an issue when it comes to women deciding who their next boyfriend will be. Of course there may be exceptions to every bullet point written, but for the norm, the way gender roles in our society work, has way more leverage with his sexual history, one night stands rate, etc. over a woman.
Lastly, as for the high maintenance issue, it seems you were way more frustrated with your situation than you were with my bullet point. Speaking from experience, I take 20-25 mins to get ready from showering, to getting dressed, doing my hair, make-up, jewelry, whatever. With almost every guy I have dealt with, I was the one doing the waiting. Of course, I know I am not the norm when it comes to this because most women, including my friends, take 2 hrs and up. The point I was trying to make was regardless of TIME spent, the image a man puts out as a stylish man, dressed well, groomed well is looked upon favorably. In contrast, if you see a woman dressed up, in heels, full face of make up, hair perfect, etc. the image she projects isn’t the same as the woman out in sweats, a ponytail, no make up. The difference in men and women in that case cannot be denied. I can even further elaborate to say women who wear revealing clothes and attract a man’s attention are often told they are asking for it by wearing such.
As I stated earlier, this was most definitely a biased view, more-so because I was sticking up for women in terms of what we go through that may or may not be realized, but of course everyone’s experiences are different (including mine and yours).
All women cheat. Men have control. Every woman who cheats is a slut same thing with any woman who rapes or sexually harasses a man or a boy.
I would never date any woman concerned of double standards. First of all if i cared what society thought of me i’d be semi depresssed who cares what people think of you if your single at age 36 and your a woman why sould people around you give a shit. I used to beat guys up who talked about how much pussy they got becuase that pussy you gots not a reward its a human being. Women do nag it’s true you guys can get really bitchy but so Can guys if you dont understand how we think and we dont understand how you think chances are we wont get along. Women say guys hava a problem talking about there feelings well maybe you got the wrong guy or maybe you need to toughen the fuck up and stop complaining. Women talk about there feelings with friends guys turn on espn and llay fantasy football its the way things work
I’m a gay male, so this doesn’t really apply to me. But I do hate stereotypes and double standards, hopefully double standards will disappear eventually.